…we interrupt this photo shoot…

One of my goals for my blog is to post my Project Life layouts for others to see, be inspired by (maybe!!) and to connect with my far-flung family and friends.  I have been pondering how best to organize this on my blog, but in the meantime, I’ve been trying to shoot some of my layouts in preparation for uploading.  In addition to figuring out how I want my blog to “work”, I’ve been experimenting with how best to shoot my layouts…

IMG_0359

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMG_0348

 

 

 

 

 

 

And things were moving along except for one 10 lb glitch

IMG_0369

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fred, the Cat

For those of you who haven’t been to my house, this is Fred.  We adopted him and his sister Ginger in 1996, so he’s getting up there in years.  Ginger passed away earlier this year and since she’s been gone, Fred has been spending a lot more time upstairs with the humans.  For instance, when I’m trying to take photos…

IMG_0352

 

 

 

 

 

 

He’s decided that he must at that very specific moment in time…wake up from whatever pile of blankets or clean clothing he’s sleeping on, and come and see what his human is doing.  I think he sees himself as a household supervisor

IMG_0358

 

 

 

 

 

 

And of course, the next thing that happens when I say “Fred!  Get out of there…”  Shadow, the dog races upstairs from her nest on the Family Room sofa to see what is going on…

IMG_0360

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s no wonder that the photos have not made it onto my blog yet…but at least photos of the pets have…. small progress??  I guess I”ll have to take what I can get…

 

{this moment}

{this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you’re inspired to do the same, leave a link to your ‘moment’ in the comments for all to find and see.

…why retreat (a guest post for Liz Lamoreux)

The last two summers I’ve attended the “Be Present” retreats on the Oregon coast.  I wrote a guest blog post for Liz as part of her “Why Retreat” series which I’d like to share with you here.  Visit Liz’s website for information on her Be Present retreats, her home retreats and all the other magical projects she is working on for her kindred spirits.

For anyone who has doubted, been afraid, or couldn’t see the way…this is for you.

…Why I Retreat…

I didn’t realize it then

I had lost her…Myself, my True Authentic Self and, a bit of my soul
I had lost her along the way, amidst the hurley-burley of life.
I had lost her amongst fear and doubt and letting other factors decide my story.
I had lost her and didn’t realize it, but I knew, deep inside something wasn’t right
I had lost her and had no idea how to go about finding what I didn’t know was lost

There was a tiny break, a little window with a glimmer of light shining through it was small, but it was there.

I found “Your Story” through Ali, while taking her class at BPC. Late at night, I was working a layout telling my creative story. A story of frustration, of fear, of not-being- good-enough, of being stuck-really-truly-stuck, stuck like i’m-never-going-to-dig-out- stuck. I cried when I wrote the words, screaming on the page…all my frustrations poured out of me.

“Why can’t it just be ok to be me in all my imperfect glory … and have it be OK?”

And then I realized that if something didn’t change, I was going to be well and truly miserable for the rest of my life, and make everyone around me miserable as well and that was not acceptable. I was staring down hard at 50 and thought…I do not want to spend the second half of my life like this and be a bitter, unfulfilled angry woman.

I talked to Ali, I talked to Liz…The retreat sounded interesting and engaging and very new-agey and totally out of my comfort zone, completely not something I’d be into…

And I went anyway.

I almost didn’t make it…the morning of my departure, I couldn’t leave the house….major major anxiety/panic attack out of no where…my sister literally talked me out of the house, into the cab and into to the airport and on the plane. As I flew from Boston to Oregon_a touch of grace_the fear started to fall away. By the time I reached Portland, I was so excited for the adventure, the fear was completely gone.

Over the weekend, I listened to the stories around me, we laughed, we cried, we encouraged each other, we were silly, we were true. We all played with words, and cameras and paper and paint and glue. I tried things I’d never thought I’d do (intentional walking? This is a former New Yorker you’re talking to seriously? – yes and it was a great creative exercise) I found the courage to tell my story in a torrent of words and fear and tears and … it was OK, there were words and hugs and complete and total acceptance. No baggage, no judging, no “you should’s”

Just Me

And it was as if a weight and a veil was lifted and in their place was grace and peace and a wonderful group of kindred spirits, and we are walking the same path together and it is all OK.

And….I went back this year, with 8 kindreds and 9 new friends and it was even more rewarding, in a much different way as I feel like I am more my authentic self a year later.

I am still processing, two retreats and over a year later, how this experience has changed my life. On an early morning walk just after I returned home from Oregon the first time, my girlfriend looked at me and said…you look different, you seem calmer and more at peace….my reply was “i am”.

Do I still doubt myself…absolutely, but now instead of wallowing, I acknowledge it, see how I can use it, and send it on it’s merry way.

Do I still have creative angst…you betcha but I’m learning that it’s OK, it’s part of the process and that I have to move forward even if it’s one little baby step at a time.

I retreated to find myself ( I know, sounds totally cliche but it’s absolutely true) and in finding myself, I saved the rest of my life.

I discovered:

Brave

That I can re-write my script, anytime, anywhere, anyway I want it to read, as many times as I want.

I am An Artist…with no definition

That life, like art, is a work in progress…we have a beginning and an end…and in between is fluid and moving and lovely and changing and heartbreaking and mindblowing and hard and sweet and oh so wonderful, and it’s ours to decide.

That reaching out can reap the sweetest rewards

I discovered that it is all, on every level, OK

And that my friends, is why I retreat. This is a gift that I have been given. This is a gift that I pass to you.

31/2 mornin’

Today I have for you another installment from the “31” class from Ali Edwards.  You can read more about the class at BPS here,  The class is “officially” over but I am still working through the writing prompts….a little busy with that stuff called every day life…

31/2  Morning

 

During the week, we start the day early around here (and most times on the weekends too, just not quite so early!).  I find it easier to start earlier in the day and have come to appreciate more the benefits of getting “up and out” early rather than late.  I used to be a far, far bigger night owl than I am now (although I should head to bed several hours earlier than I regularly do) I think that the years I worked in NYC and having to get up every day, sometimes far before dawn, to catch that commuter train into the City has changed my internal clock somewhat.

Like to think it’s that, not just getting older and getting up for the Farm Report like my Grandfather used to do.

So, most mornings alarms go off at 6 and on a good day, Charlie and I both get right up, about half the time there is a failing for the “sleep” button.  Charlie heads to the shower, I head in to get the girls up…we are trying to get them used to getting up with their alarms but Lily needs extra prodding even with her alarm on LOUD…it usually takes her 10+ minutes to get out of bed…with alot of “Lily, time to get up”  “Feet on the floor (which was my mother’s favorite, whereby I would just put my feet on the floor, the rest of me still in bed) “Rise and shine”  etc…  Gwen is much ,much better at getting up and some days is already up and getting ready when I come in to get her up.  The girls wash up and get dressed (usually forgetting something like a belt which means a mad dash back upstairs when they’re supposed to be walking out the door) and I take breakfast orders (bagel, cereal, eggo) and lunch order (sandwiches or leftovers) and I check to see if Charlie wants breakfast or (sometimes) his lunch packed…then I head downstairs.

If Charlie is traveling, I wash up a little and throw on some clothes before heading downstairs, because I have to take the girls to the bus stop.  If Charlie is driving them (which I think is great because it gives him a little more time to spend with them each day) I stay in my pj’s until after they leave.  Once downstairs, I turn on the lights and light the fire under my copper tea kettle to make tea for myself and Charlie.  He takes Twinings Earl Grey with a little sugar and his goes in a travel mug.  I take Twinings English Breakfast with more sugar, and mine goes in a regular mug.  I then start making lunches-I layout their lunchboxes on the counter the night before and, if I’m super organized, I’ve put in the “dry goods” the night before  (chips, treats, fruit cups) and only have to add in sandwiches or yogurts and a freezer pack.

There are usually multiple “urgings” sent upstairs (read yelling “hurry up, you won’t get breakfast!”  “you’ll miss the bus”  “downstairs now”  ) while I am making lunch and breakfast.  I start breakfast for the girls just before they are coming downstairs so it’s hot  for them.  They usually eat at our island table in the kitchen while I finish making lunches, review the schedules, make sure they have all their school things, discuss the day and mediate disputes.

I pack up the lunches and help the girls get them in their backpacks while they are finishing breakfast…todays lunches were:  Lily:  Peanut Butter on whole wheat, yogurt with cookie crumbles to add in, a banana, a container of fresh berries, shark-bites fruit snacks, a piece of home made brownie, ritz peanut butter cracker pack, and spicy nacho doritos and as a special treat, a little bottle of “sunny d”.   Gwen:  Nutella on white bread, cherry yogurt (encouraging her to go beyond key lime) a mandarin oranges & jello cup, a container of fresh berries, fruit rollup snack, a piece of home made brownie, ritz peanut butter cracker pack, smartfood and “sunny d”.  They also each take a big water bottle.  It all barely fits in their lunchbags and it seems like alot of food but they still get to have a morning snack and most days the bags come home empty and the girls are ravenous.  Since the school went “healthy” with their school lunches, the girls can’t stand them so they take lunch almost every day, and I’m fine with that.  The three sheets of lunch tickets I bought at the beginning of the year have not been used up yet, and it’s mid-May.

Charlie comes downstairs in the middle of the pandemonium and some days has an english muffin with peanut butter or butter or, a bowl of cereal and some red grapefruit juice.  He checks his backpack and organizes his stuff for the day while the girls get their backpacks collected, jackets, shoes etc…  if we are running late, it’s “breakfast to go” which is a waffle and syrup in a little cup in a rectangular take out container or, “breakfast in a bag” which is cereal or toast in a baggie.

Charlie gets a good-bye kiss, I walk everyone to the back gate and wave them good-bye and they are off!

The rest of my early morning is tidying up after breakfast, emptying the dishwasher, putting in a load of laundry, making myself something to eat and eating breakfast while I read the paper or check emails and plan my day.  There is almost always a list involved to keep myself organized and on track…I never really expect to get everything done but it’s a good guide and reminder and it’s so helpful to ‘brain dump’ so I don’t have to remember everything.

I find that the days that I get more sleep, my (our) mornings go more smoothly.  The more I can do the night before, and the earlier I get up, the better.  The days that I start in right away attacking my “to do” list I get far more accomplished and feel less guilty about working on a personal project later in the day.  Being home right now, I find it very easy to get off-track and have half the day slip by without feeling “accomplished”…but that is OK on some days, and some days I just need to get it done!  I like the rhythm of the weekdays and I also like the weekend mornings when everyone is home puttering around doing their things but all together in the same house…

…now, second cup of tea and off to vacuum and clean up this place!

{this moment}

{this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you’re inspired to do the same, leave a link to your ‘moment’ in the comments for all to find and see.